Secret Sexy Jobs or Screw Nine to Five

Wow, it's been a long time. How have you been? As you can see, I've been as silly as ever, researching a sexy and fun topic for you. Oh well, some things never change. Not even after a New Year's Resolution, right?


Now, this might not be everyone's cup of tea, but since my job isn't a conventional one (yeah, no shit Sherlock), and since I've done a lot of research into changing my actual 9-5 job, I came up with a cosy list of fun ways to earn money in a unique, but well-paid way.


Full disclaimer: I under no circumstance claim that I have experience in performing any of these jobs nor do I encourage anyone to leave their job for anything like these. It's only supposed to be a fun demonstration, and of course, as such, I might be off a little on a few details. I haven't tested them, remember?


I do think however that it's interesting to learn about the 'other side'. Because, not everyone is conventional, and of course, there is nothing wrong with that. So, let's have a look at what I found on the net (and by talking to people). I'm not going to mention names, privacy and all. I hope you understand.


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1. Exotic Dancer


Okay, so you must have watched a movie or two where half-naked women dance on podiums in the middle of the stage at nightclubs? It turns out, that kind of thing exists in real life as well. Even better, those kinds of clubs might be closer than you think. And they are always looking for recruits (so I was told).


The bad thing about it is that it's mostly cash in hand, which means that you have to sort out your own tax. But I guess in this day and age that shouldn't be a problem, right? Not to mention that the tips could pay for your bills alone. Again, not saying you should, just... Well, I'm just saying.


In normal cases, no touching involved. Good, right?




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2. Phone Sex Operator


Some claim that talking dirty on the phone is actually the easiest job ever. Don't get me wrong, it sounds nice and easy, being able to cook food or paint your nails while moaning down the line. I don't think it's that simple though.


Sure, some people look at it as a fun way of earning some dough (I heard performance rates could go up to £15 per hour), and some even use it to enhance their own sex lives, but I imagine there to be some weirdos (no offence). While most people have a genuine reason to call and might just be lonely, good luck if you are on the graveyard shift.


It is regular money though, as most companies pay fortnightly, no questions asked. Could be good for those who aren't taking things said to heart. It is a form of acting, after all. Not to mention that the caller won't know who you are (in theory anyway). I'm yet to read the news about a phone sex operator being offed by a serial killer that called her up. Would such news make it to the news? I wonder.



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3. Naked Sushi

Yep, you read that right. In certain restaurants, guests can eat sushi (and other food items) off naked women (and men). Yay, a sexy (and fairly easy) job that both sexes can do. To tell you the truth, I should have put this on the top of the list for that sheer reason. I read on many forums that if a man wants to do a sexy job, the only option is for them to become a male escort (and it mostly means them having to cater for gentlemen's offers, whether they want to or not).


Well, lying down naked for a few hours sounds like a much better and simpler solution, right? Oh, have I mentioned that you have to stay still while people nibble away on the food? They would eat it off your navel, your chest, legs, your...


Huh, is it me or does this stuff actually sound pretty sexy? What happens if a naked sushi-man gets a boner in the middle of the action? Extra tips on no pay at all? Hmm.


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4. Come Drink With Me

Okay, this doesn't sound bad. You (aka a sexy lady) go into a bar and sit down on a stool. No, nothing naughty involved! You just sit there being pretty, batting your eyelashes at gentlemen (preferably those wearing a Rolex), and when they gallantly walk over and offer to buy you a drink, you gladly accept.


Sounds like a piece of cake, so where's the catch? Well, apparently, you hardly ever get to down said drink, nor can you choose any liquor that takes your fancy. The gentleman might not drink it, either to be frank. That's the cover story, really. Them spending shit loads of money on expensive drinks (think thousands of pounds), while you smile and engage in a polite conversation with them.


No touching, no sex involved. Could be a bit boring though, but you get a commission on the drinks. Hmm, this is just a joke, but if you find such a bar, please let me know. We can try it out together and be best friends for life. Oh, apparently it helps if you use a fake name. Again, cash in hand only (well, in this case, the money will end up in your hands, as opposed to the exotic dancing).


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Sexy or Not?

So... These jobs all sound really sexy actually, on the surface anyway. If you have hands on experience (excuse the pun) on any of the mentioned exotic jobs, please let me know in the comments. Of course I understand that privacy is the main thing when it comes to these, so you can send me an email, too, anonymously. I will then use your story as a case study for future reference.


It does make me wonder though. Are many people turning to these kinds of alternative income and we just never hear of it (see: privacy), or is there a hidden factor we are unaware of, hence making these jobs impossible to maintain in the long run?


What are your thoughts? Yay or nay? Would you try a sexy job to complement your income or potentially even make it a fulltime job and leave your 9-5?


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© 2020 Timea Tokes, London, UK

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